THE DEADLINE CAFÉ EPISODE #12

“YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE IN MY LIFE…”

Jeez, who writes this stuff? Hank moved to the section “Valentines for a Life Partner.”  Might be less sappy.

“WE’RE SOUL MATES, I KNEW THAT WHEN WE MET…”

Soul…Seoul.  Ok, this one works for Oakey.  Now one for Lissa.

“LIFE IS A JOURNEY…”

“Press the button,” said a young woman, whose muffled voice sounded conspiratorial, her face masked by a balaclava and a thick scarf.  

Hank pushed the button.  Enya!  Sounds like a Swiss yodeler on quaaludes. He checked his watch.  6:35!  He needed to get to the café and open up, but he also needed a card. 

 “HONEYPIE…” the next card cooed. 

Criminey! Where's the real stuff, the cards written for flesh and blood human beings, who’ve actually been in love, head over heels surprised by love, tormented by love, disappointed and torn apart by love, haunted by the memory of love lost and then found again? Where are those cards?

Hank thought maybe he should drop his café dream and start a new business: “Real Cards for Real People.” With Yada Yada Java invading Evanston and the city still on his back for the overnighter, that day might come soon.

He finally found the card he was looking for in the “Funny Cards.” On the front was a picture of a vintage can of Ballantine’s beer.  Inside: “Be my Ballantine.”  Perfect. Lissa would get it: the Zen simplicity, less is more, a classic beer, an iconic throwback; this was the quintessential un-Valentine’s Day card. No froo-froo sentiments, no moronic sexual innuendos, just “Das Ding an sich.” Which was all Hank could remember from that philosophy course on Kant.

**

Hank opened up the café and started his morning rituals (which had two new features since the overnighter—grinding beans for the “New Brew” and making himself a double espresso).  No sooner had he dropped his cards into their boxes, Lissa and Oakey arrived. Lissa reminded him they were scheduled to open their Valentines at 11.  “I’m excited,” she said.  “Aren’t you?”

Hank tried to play it cool, but he was a little nervous.

The regulars wandered in as the morning progressed. First the Professor.  Then the Whittler. Lissa’s grad student buddy. Mrs. Worthley.  And Jimmy D at 10:30.

Around 10:45, the Blossom 4 Florist van pulled up and Brigitta swished into the café with an armful of red roses and ferny leaves, wearing a big smile and a flowing red cape. She looked like a giant tulip and sang in her cheery voice, “Looook what I’ve got for you, Lissa!”

Lissa came out from the back, drying her hands on a towel, “Oh, my, Gawd!” she squealed.  “Look at these, Hank.”

“Yeah, great.” Who the ----? he wondered. 

“I’ll have to put them in a vase.”

“Let me help, Lissy!” Oakey said.

Right after Brigitta drove off, as if on cue, the Fed Ex truck pulled into the empty space.  Gordon, the driver, aka “Flash”, who wore Fed Ex shorts year-round, unwilling to concede summer’s brevity in Chicago, came in and handed Hank a letter, “Got a Priority Overnight Delivery for you, Hank.  Hey, some weather, you know? Nice Valentine’s Day thaw.”  He tapped the brown box and Hank scribbled his scrawl on the plastic screen.

“Take care,” Hank said, watching Gordon  jump into the waiting van as though he were headed over to the lake for a swim. He shook his head and muttered to Lissa: “I can’t believe those socks. Hasn’t he seen ‘What Not to Wear?’ ”

“Yeah,” she said. “knee-high argyles? I mean, really.  Maybe we should call him ‘Clash Gordon.’ ”

Oakey came out with the roses.

“They’re absolutely lovely,” said Mrs. Worthley.

“You got yourself a secret admirer, Lissa,” the Whittler added.

“Open up the package, Hank,” Oakey said, nudging him.

Hank opened the envelope slowly, expecting a summons or a second billing from City Coffee.  Instead he found the “LIFE IS A JOURNEY” Enya Valentine’s Day card. Great, a secret admirer with bad taste.

He opened the card to see who sent it.  No signature.  Just eight words, printed: “ONLY 63 DAYS LEFT. DON’T MISS THE BOAT.” The ethereal sound of Enya’s “Sail Away” wafted out of the little card into the now bustling café, where everyone waited for Lissa and Oakey to open their Valentine’s Day boxes. And Hank slipped into the back room where Sherman had disappeared as soon as he’d heard Enya wailing away.