Noelle Allen

I was born in the Mormon church and acquired all the baggage that comes from an institution with clear gender expectations. My main worth was as a future mother. My main role was to learn how to be a good wife, how to raise my children in God’s ways, and how to make a home where my family would be safe from the dangers of the world.

For a few years in my childhood, I got to see a different way to live. We still went to church. We still feared the world and its dangers. But my mother became the breadwinner and my father became the homemaker.

In my memory, this period of time is when both of my parents were happiest. My dad loved to cook. My mom enjoyed having professional relationships with other adults. My dad was good at nurturing. My mom was good at being capable and smart.

In general, Mormon women avoid working outside the home. If circumstances require them to work for a paycheck, they live with the guilt that they’re not fulfilling their divine duties. Not my mom. I have no memories of her feeling conflicted about working. She didn’t apologize for being absent so much. She even took opportunities to be absent more, such as taking evening classes for fun, including a jewelry making class, where she made me this turtle pendant for my birthday.

My mom showed me that we are all free to choose what will make us happiest.